I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
