life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
