yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
