Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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