In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
