you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
