'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
