Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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