I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Porn is love you can see.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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