I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
