Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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