So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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