Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
