i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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