I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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