I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
