Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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