I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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