If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My penis needs a shock collar
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So vagazzling was a success
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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