when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
