He disabled his match.com account in front of me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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