I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
