Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
