those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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