I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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