you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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