Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
