I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
