p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
