Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
