My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I will be naked everywhere
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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