Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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