he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
