she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
