my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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