Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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