Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your penis caused this!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
