She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
