my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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