Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
