Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
