Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm passing your future prison.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
