How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
