my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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