Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
