Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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