The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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