Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
