I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
