from now on my penis is your penis
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You left your phone here
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