i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
