do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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