I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
